NaNoWriMo

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It is November 26th, and NaNoWriMo has almost come to a close. I haven’t written in here nearly all month because I’ve been frantically typing out my novel.

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For those of you who don’t know, National Novel Writing Month takes place every November, and is a month of madness in which about 115,000 people all over the world dedicate themselves to writing a 50K word novel in a month. (Think Slaughterhouse Five, which has almost exactly 50K words) Anyhow, it’s been a month of absolute craziness, fun, friends, and total insanity, and I’ve truly loved every minute of it. I feel no shame now in telling you that I wrote the sequel to last year’s novel, which was titled “Marionette”. Last year’s was 72,000 words by the time it was finished. This year’s is not quite finished yet, but my goal is to be done by the end of the month. I’m currently sitting at almost 108K words, which is approximately the length of Twilight, for those fans out there. The title is Illusion, which I thought might change, but now I know it will not. There’s a lot of crap in it. A LOT of crap in it. But I love it. I’ve grown pretty attached to it over the last 26 days. I had three days of no writing, but mananged to break the 100K mark on the 23rd, anyway. 100K in 20 days? Not too shabby.

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I think the most insane part was the part where I wrote 26K in two days last Saturday and Sunday. 15K on Saturday and 11K on Sunday. I’m pretty sure my fingers were burning holes in my keyboard. Call it an addiciton, but I call it fun. I love hanging out with the NaNo people at write-ins. This month has been the most social month of my year, really. It’s been a chance to hang out and be Kate with people closer to my own age, doing something I love to do with a whole crew of people. It’s been so wonderful I can hardly describe it. And I still have another four days of it.

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The best part, is that once it’s over, these people keep meeting during the year to write. I don’t know how often they meet or anything, but I fully plan on meeting during the year this time. I couldn’t last year because of CCF obligations. But this year I’m going to really try to plan my schedule so that I can meet with them. To me, it’s important to do something that I love. It’s Kate Time. It’s time to sit back and relax and do something I love with a great group of people that I just plain have a blast with. So maybe it’s goodby to NaNo this year, but hopefully not a total goodbye. It’s been a fun month. And hey, I’m a winner! YAY!

Amazing Grace

You know the words to the song.

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Just insert my life as the basis for the song.

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I find it fitting that the Bible verse that popped up for my verse of the day is Isaiah 1:18

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That’s all I have to say right now.

Dead Ends

********I need to preface this by saying that GOD IS STILL GOOD********

It seems all I’ve come to lately are dead ends.

I walk down one path, and the yellow sign is there.

Dead End

So I choose another one. One with fewer trees, less beauty, and a better chance.

Dead End

So I pick another one. One that looks like it has a better outcome

More chances to make a difference

More chances to help people

Dead End.

Is there any path out there that actually leads somewhere?

That actually leads to a real place?

With a real future?

Because so far, all I’ve hit are a bunch of yellow diamond signs

Reading two words

Dead End.

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It’s been a frustrating weekend. Feeling like I’m running in circles, and not getting anywhere in the process. Not just in life, of course. Not just in outside life. I should clarify that. But where I’m going with my own life, too. What is in my future? Piano teaching for life? Obviously not. I can’t make a living doing that. I can’t stay at my current job much longer. Obviously. So what’s out there for Kate?

Hopefully something that will allow my to get my car back sometime. Right now I’m not even sure how I’ll get to work tonight even if my car DOES get fixed today. I am grateful. Please don’t get me wrong there. I have incredible friends. An incredible church. People who come and pick me up when I’m stranded on highway 30 at 7:30am and who bring my car to the repair shop when I’m out with the junior high girls at the apple orchard. I couldn’t ask for better friends. People who let me borrow their cars so I can go to a seemingly trivial event that I’ve been looking forward to for eleven months. I couldn’t ask for better friends. These people are amazing, really. Honestly amazing. I am grateful for them. But I am still frustrated with myself. That I let myself get into situations like I’m in now, and still never allow myself to learn from them. Well, I take that back. I DO learn sometimes. It’s a process. One that I’m still in, apparently. But one that I wish I’d learn a little faster.

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But right now, my own stupidity is overriding my gratitude. It’s overtaking my thoughts. It’s clouding my vision, and all I can see is Kate-Vision. So today, while I wait for the dreaded phone call that will determine whether or not I get to work tonight, I will clean my apartment and try to forget my own dumbness. I just wish I’d learn. And I wish I’d get my car back. Today. Or at least not Friday.

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Have I mentioned I wish I’d just learn?

One of Those Days

I’m just having one of Those Days.

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You know, the ones where you just wish you could curl up under your covers and go back to sleep? thankfully, I’m about ready to do just that. It’s been a long day. Not a bad day. I got my piano moved, thanks to the help of some wonderful people. I am thankful for Eric, who probably had better things to do on a Saturday morning than try to lift a piano into an old CCF-ers rented U-Haul. I’m thankful for Joe, who probably was up half the night because of his schedule. I’m thankful for Mark, who sat in the back of the U-Haul in the dark the entire drive to Boone to make sure the piano didn’t roll all over the place. I have awesome friends. I had a slight argument with the rental lady afterwards, but I’m confident I will get my $15 back. It’s just been one of those “thinking” kind of days, I guess. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, and today a lot of it has seeped its way into the front of my mind and started to penetrate my “real” thoughts, not just my “back of my mind” thoughts.

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So while I enjoyed the beauty of Ledges during Fall, and the people I was there with, and practicing songs for Sunday, and helping Emily find her way out of the bathroom (it only took 10 pages!) and talking to Megan at the bookstore, my mind is exhausted with thoughts that I couldn’t possibly begin to write about on a public blog. Nor will I attempt to. It is filled with words and stories and memories and all sorts of things that I would love to talk about but can’t talk about here. So if you’re one of the lucky ones (you know who you are), catch me and make me talk sometime. I just might.

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Or I might not, too. It all depends.

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I might have another character that I need to talk out of eating blanket waffles.

Skydiving

I’m gonna skydive.

Like, really skydive. Not just twice a year for fun skydiving. Go ahead, call me crazy. Tell me I’m wasting my money. Tell me I’m gonna die. I’ll wait.

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K. Done? Now I’ll explain. First, it’s incredible. Unless you’ve done it, there’s no possible way I could ever explain what it’s like to look down out of an airplane’s open door at 13,000 feet and then just fall out of it. Putting it into words makes it sound so…boring. So I won’t even try to explain anymore. But the feeling…the rush of it…is just amazing. And then to pull the cord, and suddenly be floating miles above the earth surrounded by nothing but air. It’s the most peaceful feeling. All the “what ifs” in the world won’t keep me from doing it again. I have a higher chance of being hit by a car or by lightening than I do of having my parachute not opening. I guess if you’re not willing to take risks sometimes, you miss the most beautiful and unique opportunities. Is it exhilarating? Most definitely. Is it expensive? Of course. Is any hobby expensive? Sure is. Let’s look at golf. The traditional American leisure sport. Online, the average set of “beginner golf clubs” is around $300, unless you’re going to Walmart. Buy a bag for $50 to put them in, some covers for the tops of them, some gloves, and you’re pushing $500. According to the website I looked at, the national AVERAGE (depends on where you live, i guess) for a round of golf is $40. So you go out to the golf course, say, twice a month, play a couple rounds, you’re spending $160 a month on golf. Assuming you live in a climate where you could PLAY year round (ok, not Iowa, obviously), that’s close to $2000 a year on the course. Not factoring in special occasions, golfing trips with friends, whatever else may come up. That’s just golf. Gymnastics classes for your kids? About $100 a month. Dance? One site offers 2 hours, twice a week for almost $200 a month. So when I mention that the certification to skydive solo is $1500, it may seem like quite a bit, but relative to other sports, it seems a little more manageable. Granted, there will be equipment factored in there eventually, too. But after the quipment purchases, the cost to skydive? Well, I could jump three times during your one round of golf. And that’s for life. So the cost is significantly less once I’m certified. Significantly.

It’s a hobby. It’s something you can do until you’re 90, if you want. There’s no age limit on skydiving. It’s not a sport you “get to old to do”. It’s not something that men are better at. It’s not something that anyone has any advantage over anyone else in. It’s just about how well you learn to fly.

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And it’s terribly, terribly addicting.

Skydiving Kate

The Time Draws Near…

NaNoWriMo2008

It’s October 7, 2008. Less than a month until NaNoWriMo is upon us again. If you’re unfamiliar with the terminology, this acronym stands for “National Novel Writing Month”. I participated for the first time last year, on a spur of the moment decision. I heard of it on October 26, signed up for it, and started on November 1 (the official start date). I had no idea what I was writing about. Around the 7th of the month, I realized I was about 7,000 words into my novel (out of 50,000 which is the “winning” number of words) and hated what I had. So I deleted it all, debated whether or not to continue, and finally around the 15th of the month, got back into it. By the 28th, I had finished the 50,000 words. I didn’t finish the novel, story-line-wise, but I “won”. YAY! I titled it “Marionette” almost before I began on the 15th. But here I sit, on October 7th, with well over 60,000 words of Marionette, but still no ending. I need to finish it. Soon. The second book begins in less than a month, and I have yet to finish the first.

So that leaves me with a task before me for the next few nights at work. By the end of the week (as in, 7 days from now) I want to be finished. By the 14th of the month, I need to be DONE with Marionette. Finished. Complete. NOT edited. Just finished. NaNo2K8, here I come.

In other news, I’m going to go take a nap. That’s all I’ve got right now. Lots has been going on, but I think I’d like to sleep for awhile first. I heart my new shoes.

Frustration

I’m not one to vent a lot. At least, I don’t think I am. I like to be the one who has things all figured out, is well-adjusted, etc. etc. etc. Blah, blah, blah.

But the last few weeks have been rough. Why, you ask? Is it because something happened? Something horrible? Someone died? No. Nothing like that. I’m just overwhelmed. Most people will brush what I’m about to write about off as “no big deal”, and that’s fine. It is to me, and unless you’ve experienced it, you peobably won’t understand, nor do I expect you to. It’s just something I want to get out there. I’ve written about my migraines before. I don’t remember to what extent or what I’ve said. But they’ve been pretty bad. I got one on September 6 and it never really has left. It hasn’t been totally debilitating. I haven’t been constantly throwing up or anything. But I did miss my first two days of work in two and a half years and I did end up at the urgent care clinic for some shots of painkillers. Between then and now, I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on. The migraines have gone on for about four years – since the “Des Moines Cockroach Incident” (Now to be referred to as the DMCI). But recently, along with the horrible migraines that leave me nauseous and barely functioning (and of course, with the ever-pleasant post-migraine hangover), I’ve had this constant headache. Not as bad as a migraine, but one that all the motrin in the world won’t help. Or all the Naprosen, etc. (Which I guess is the same as motrin…) Shooting pain on the side of the head, pulsing, throbbing, you name it, I’ve had it. A lot right behind the eyes recently. That is not to be confused with a sinus headache, because sinus headaches ONLY come alongside sinus infections. (Another commonly misdiagnosed problem) I’ve had sinus infections for almost 5/6 of my life, so I think I’m pretty well-versed in the telltale signs of sinus infections.

Needless to say, this finally warrented another trip to a doctor, this time, to a new one in Boone – one recommended to me by a friend of mine, and confirmed as a good doctor by another couple friends. He was. He knew what he was doing. He listened to me, as well as a GP doctor will. He’s not a headache specialist, so naturally he wasn’t going to take a five hour history of my headaches. But he did some general tests and asked me about my headaches – where they were, what they felt like, how long I had had them for, medications I had tried, when I usually got them, if I exercised, what I ate – all those sorts of things. I came out of his office with my suspicions confirmed. My migraines had transformed. That happens sometimes with people who have gotten migraines for a number of years.

Anyhow, long story short, I have the new label of migraines plus CDH (chronic daily headaches). The CDH is what I have been suspicious of, since the last few weeks my migraines/headaches have seemed a bit different. A little less intense, but still resistent to OTC drugs or my old Naprosen prescription. Now, you might not think this is a big deal. You might think “So? I get headaches every day, too.” If you do…like, really do…you should get to a doctor. It’s not normal. And here’s the thing. I don’t want pity or anything. That sucks. This already sucks. I just want some understanding. Because no one seems to understand headache problems. I’ve spent four years trying to explain that I’ve cancelled something or not shown up to something or that I’m “not feeling well” because I have a headache, and I just get blank stares. Like it’s no big deal. It IS a big deal. It’s painful. And it SUCKS to not have the ginormous cocktail of drugs you’ve tried actually work. Nothing seems to work, but you still have to function. There are still things I need to do. I can’t curl up in a ball in a dark room every time I get a headache, because that would be…well, daily! LOL. Not going to work out so well. I still do things. But sometimes, when it gets super out of control, I need to stop. I need to cancel things. I need to go sit in a dark room. And that just needs to be okay with people.

That’s all

So the Good Doctor started me on a nice happy new drug. It’s an anti-seizure drug (obviously a lower dose that people with epilepsy). Topamax has some scary side effects to it. So far I’m doing okay, with minimal side effects. I’m only experiencing the extreme drowsiness and some dizziness so far. But I’ve only taken two pills. I’ve got a month before I’m at the dose he wants me at. I’ve got a couple new rescue drugs to take when I actually GET a headache. (Oh, the Topamax is a daily preventative drug to try to keep the headaches either away or at a minimum) The one didn’t work, but I have permission to tack the other one onto it next time and see if that does the trick.

So if I’m a walking zombie, that’s why. It’s the drugs talking. *Giggle* Really, I’m trying to stay positive about the whole thing. It’s just frustrating sometimes (well, a lot) because I have people who think I’ll just be on the drugs for a couple months and then the problem will be gone and I won’t have any more headaches. Somehow, without divine intervention, I don’t think that’s going to be the case. I’ve spent four years and a lot of money trying to get rid of them, and I’m not sure that this time it’s going to be a “quick fix” either. CDH isn’t something that just “goes away”. I don’t think I’ve thought about that enough to let it sink in, but I think I’m in this for awhile.

Prayers are appreciated, of course. And understanding is, also.

People people!

PS. I got another ALIEN!!!!!

BFSA Revisited, and Deep Thoughts

Maybe you’ve never heard of the Big Fun Scary Adventure Challenge. But I took it on this year – 2008. And I thought I’d check in with myself (and you) to see how I’m doing! Here are my challenges and the progress.

Here are my adventures:

*Hike to the top of Pike’s Peak and back (not going to happen this year )

*Climb a mountain. A physical structure with snow on top. (also not this year…)

*Participate and WIN both NaNo2008 and ScriptFrenzy2008 (Started SF, will WIN NaNo!!!)

*Live in an apartment I’m proud of (this is a HUGE one for me!) (Living in it right now!)

*Start running again and participate in at LEAST two races (just finished my second, with another 5 to go this fall!)

So that’s where I’m at. The mountains didn’t happen because I went to California to see my sister instead of Colorado. But…it’s on my list for next year!! Script Frenzy? Well, I decided I’m not a play writer. I started it, then stopped, and have no desire to go back. I have, however, nearly finished my NaNo novel, Marionette, from last year. I WON NaNo with the word count, but the story was not quite finished.

Onto other topics. I’ve been thinking about God a lot lately. I do that often, but this time it’s centered around the God the Almighty/God the Daddy argument. I’ve struggled with this for awhile, I think. I’ve tried to figure out how we can exalt Him to where He needs to be, while still understanding that He wants to be close to us. Is it GOD Himself that wants to be close to us like a daddy, or is that Jesus? Where does the Holy Spirit fit in? I agree that many of today’s youth have lost the respect for God that He deserves and have come to see Him only as the “BFF”/”Daddy” figure. But I think there’s an in between somewhere. Obviously God is GOD. He is the Almighty. The Majestic. Grace Defined. And He deserves our worship – no, He deserves MORE than we can give Him in our worship. He wants US. We should fall on our faces before Him in awe, because of how awesome and incredible He is. My words can’t even describe what I’m thinking.

No one can look at His face and live

Yet we forget that. We forget that holiness. Instead, we want a BFF to help us and be our friend and our daddy. And to an extent, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. The God of the Old Testament was close to the Hebrew people. He walked with them and talked with them, much like the Jesus of the New Testament. So while God deserves our adoration and our praise, He also longs to be close to us, like a father.

I think a lot of people have problems with the “Father” part. We don’t want a judge, or a father, or a Lord, or a Savior. We want a buddy. It reminds me of Dogma, and Buddy Jesus. But that’s what so many people have relegated Him to. A buddy who’s there for you all the time. And God is. But we can’t lose the reverence.

Just my thoughts for the evening. I’ve been playing with them in my head for awhile and decided to get them on paper and get other opinions from people on this. What do you think? Can God be both? Can He be Majesty defined and Daddy at the same time? Is there a boundary we need to draw?

Weird

I’ve never been dizzy with my migraines/headaches before. It’s a strange feeling.

It gets worse when I lie on my back. Is this normal? Probably not. But I can’t afford to not function this weekend. Way too much going on. I ended up having to go into work tonight because NO ONE will cover a stupid shift for me. There’s a reason I want tonight off – I am running a 5K in the morning. Now I get to run it on no sleep! That sounds SO FUN! (Insert dripping sarcasm here).

With the race and me needing to stay in Ames beforehand, I won’t be home until after 11. Practice tomorrow for worship team. Planning. Sunday I get to teach Sunday school, do CC music, Youth group music, and who knows, but probably do the youth group talk tomorrow night too! SO busy and I really have no clue what to talk about or anything. It looks like it will probably be two weeks of this because they couldn’t find someone to do any of the talks. I’m not very good at talking – especially “lesson” talking, so this should be a riot. Literally.

And I also have to plan out my girl’s study somewhere in there. We don’t meet until Wednesday again, but my book isn’t here yet so it looks like a drive to DSM to pick another one up or another week of improvising.

Added into the mix I have a 9am meeting Monday and an 11am doctor appointment (finally) for my headaches. I’ve put this doctor up on a pedestal before I’ve even met him, but I sure hope he can give me some answers or refer me to someone who can. Or just give me drugs and make them go away.

I’m cranky today, apparently. Only because I’m tired of not being able to keep my balance and the fact that I have to go into work tonight doesn’t make it better. I’ve been resting most of the day, but I need to make it out at 830pm to see the ISS fly-by. I’ve been looking forward to it all week, so not goin gout would disappoint me, even as horrible as I’m feeling. Well, not too horrible. Just wondering whether or not I should be driving.

That’s all I’ve got.

California and Headaches

Not much to say.

California was awesome. I heart my sister! We had sister fun. Now I am home. I like Iowa and Boone, but I do miss sunny California and my sister, too!

I went stargazing last night. It was a perfectly clear night, just the right temperature, and the Harvest Moon was out! Very beautiful, but so bright that it was impossible to see Andromeda and the galaxy. Friday, maybe.

My headaches have been nuts. Almost a contiunous one for a week, interrupted slightly by a couple shots of drugs from the clinic on Wednesday night. Today’s been good so far, but I’m not looking forward to tonight because I’m almost positive one will come on. I haven’t had a headache/migraine-free day in over a week.

I’m going to a new doctor next Monday, though. I’m hoping that he will have something to say or some other ideas. I give up. I’ve tried everything I own and nothing works. I need to check my insurance to see what all they’ll cover on this.

Anyhow. Almost time to head to DSM to teach for the afternoon, then Bible study tonight!

Peace people.