Once a Month

It seems like I’m updating monthly now. That’s not intentional. I could be updating a lot more often than that since I happen to have quite a bit of time on my hands right now. I’ll work on that.

It’s the weekend, which means I’m back in Boone for a couple days. I haven’t done much yet, and really don’t have much planned, either. I went to HyVee this morning for milk and quarters. I did my laundry, which was much needed. I felt the softness of my “new” Goodwill sweatshirt that I’m pretty in love with. It smells better now. I can wear it without thinking I’m a tramp. I printed off some tax forms. Notice I didn’t say I started my taxes. I just printed off the forms I think I’m going to need and put them in a nice, neat, little stack for next week or some lonely night this week. I’m afraid to do them, honestly. I already owe so much money to people and places and the thought of owing the government more just doesn’t sit well with me. I took out most of my scrapbooking stuff, too. Not really to scrapbook so much as to organize it. That was one of my goals on my weekend planning sheet. Not that I have to follow it exactly, because I most definitely am NOT, but I thought it might be nice to re-organize my closet, and that starts with the scrapbooking stuff.

There will be no more snowboarding this season unless we get a huge blizzard and Seven Oaks reopens. I doubt that will happen. It’s just as well, though, since I sprained my ankle last Saturday going off the jump. It was worth it. I was laughing. And flat on my face. Whee!

So like I said, I have nothing planned for today. That’s not actually a good thing right now. I really need to be around people right now, especially when I’m supposed to be eating. That’s the hard part this weekend. Everyone’s so busy, and I still hate asking people for things. So if you’re reading this, consider it me asking you. One of these days I’ll get brave and assertive and ask you aloud. Really. It will happen some day. I promise. It’s 3:30pm and I’m feeling melencholy. I’m not entirely sure why. Mostly because even though I’m “home” in Boone, the world still seems to be moving around me without me. I’m not back in it. I’m the outsider who comes home once a week for a couple days, sits in her apartment, and wishes that she was part of the world again. Part of her world. I know things are going to change once I’m really back. But I feel so useless and in the way right now. Maybe I’ll just stay in Iowa City next weekend like it was suggested to me. (It wasn’t suggested to me in a negative way). That way, I could just sit in the coffee shop, minding my own business, all day long, and not bother anyone else. That’s kinda where I’m at right now. Call it whatever you want, but unless you’ve been away for two months pretty much totally disconnected from your life, with only the phone and internet to stay in touch with people you love, don’t question my feelings. It’s hard. Yes I’ve talked to people online and even a little on the phone, but that’s not the same. It’s not the same as seeing people. Hugging people. Feeling part of something.

Right now I don’t really feel like a part of anything.

Update?

I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve updated this thing. There’s been so much going on, and yet so little going on. If you didn’t already know, I’m currently in Iowa City, on FMLA from my job, and at UIHC. I’m sure I could tell you loads more, but if you know me, I’m pretty sure you already know the story. Regardless, things are going well, and I’m hoping to be home in a month or so for good. As of right now, I’m anxiously awaiting next weekend, which I hope will be my first time home in Boone since January 2. I’m still trying to find someone who would be willing to either drive my car over here this week so I have it to drive home, or who would be willing to pick me up Friday evening here and drive me back to Boone so I can get my own car. If there are any takers on either part…. please please please tell me! I want to go home more than just about anything right now. But I’m not walking.

 

I get to go shopping today. And tomorrow. I’m pretty excited about that. Actually, I’m pretty excited about being OUTSIDE this hospital period, but the shopping is just an added bonus. Anyhow, thanks for all the prayers and support you all have given me the last month and a half. You know who you are, and I can’t even begin to express in words how much it means to me.

Merry Christmas!

It’s Christmas Day! I hope everyone is having a wonderdul and safe Christmas filled with family, friends, food, fun, and remembering why we celebrate this holiday. It’s hard to imagine the savior of the entire world as a crying baby lying in a little manger, totally helpless and dependent on other people. But that’s what He was, and that’s how humble he became for us.

Amazing, right? Think about it. The King of the world. For us. Did He have to come that way? No. Of course not. He could have come majestically. But He will come again that way soon. For now, though, remember the manger and the humility that it shows. And remember Bethlehem. And then remember the cross.

Merry Christmas.

Headaches, Christmas, Writing, Life…

I have good intentions to update this blog much more regularly than I usually end up doing so. I have no excuse, really, except that I’m exhausted, headachey, and sleepy. And yes, exhausted and sleepy are two entirely different things. Now that NaNo is over, I seem to have lost time again. I hate how that happens. Somehow, during the month of Novvember, an extra twenty hours a week seems to be tacked on. Then, as quickly as it is added on, it is stolen from me once December hits. I think it has something to do with the meteor showers. Or the moon. Or the fact tha Pluto is no longer a planet. Regardless, I am missing NaNo already, mainly because it’s such a relaxing time. “Relaxing?!”, you say. YES, relaxing! Maybe I said this in my last post, but it’s such an awesome chance to just sit down and do something I love for a few hours a day, even if the pressure to crank out a couple thousand words every hour is constantly pressing against me. I’ll do it again. After Christmas. Maybe even before Christmas. But not before the piano recital.

“Piano recital?” YES, piano recital. All my piano students (except one) are going to be in my first ever piano recital on Sunday! Ya’ll should come see it. I think it’s going to be awesome. (By ya’ll, I mean those of you living in this general area, not in California or other far away places!) Anyhow, it’s going to be pretty awesome, but I’m busy getting programs and award ribbons ready for that right now. And my piece. Yes, I have finally decided that I will play a piece at the end of the recital. I debated for quite a while over that. I don’t want to take away from the students’ recital moment, but I also have quite a few parents who would like me to play, and I feel like since I never play for my students, that I should play something. If for no other reason, I almost feel like I need to let them know that I do indeed know how to play the piano. I could be this strange teacher who doesn’t actually KNOW how to play and just teaches their children. But I do have quite a few parents urging me to play something, too. Don’t worry, I’m not playing a 15 minute long Chopin piece. It’s a 2.5 minute jazz fun piece. It’s cute and fast and fun. I think it will go over well. And I’m hoping it will also show the students that their teacher needs to practice, too. Their teacher needs to memorize music, too. I need to practice what I teach. So that’s the story behind that.

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In other news…. is there any other news? Snowboarding season is  upon us. I haven’t gone out yet, but hopefully soon!!! The headaches are back and killing me. Dr. K. took my Topamax up from 100mg a day to 200mg a day. The first week (last week) of that was killer. I was staring at walls and dazed. It was rough. The whole “not eating” because the drug makes you not hungry was not so fun, either. The slow reaction to EVERYTHING was also equally not fun. This week has been a little better so far. Hopefully it starts knocking the headaches out again. It’s been doing more of that this week but they’re still coming and going a bit more than I’d like.

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I got my external hard drive to work, meaning I got WoW to work (yay!) so I’ve been playing that a little more. Not much, since that whole TIME thing isn’t working so well. After the recital, I’m not teaching much until January, so that will be lovely. More time to relax and have some Kate time. YAY. I need some of that. I’ve been going going going with everything else lately. I need some time to just BE. Youth group, Sunday school, and girls group are still going on, but not teaching for a few weeks will help a little, I think.

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I’m going to learn calligraphy.

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That’s all. Goodbye.

NaNoWriMo 2008 and Beyond

I’ll stop talking about it eventually.

But I’ll probably not stop writing about it, since I’m a writer. Somehow, writing found its way into my blood, and I’m not sure how. None of my relatives were writers. They didn’t keep journals, diaries, etc. They didn’t write for newspapers. Heck, they didn’t even write papers for school unless they had to. I guess I picked up some random recessive gene that makes me spew random excessive words onto pages (and pages, and pages, and pages…) But anyhow, the gene is there and it’s not leaving, so get used to it, people! NaNo may be over for this year, but I’m not going to sit idly on my hands for a year not doing anything. I’m going to start editing these two books, and hopefully get two halfway presentable novels by summer or late summer. I think it’s possible. I’m not, not, NOT going to be re-writing them. Just editing. I don’t like the idea of re-writes. I can edit the crap out of something but I’m still not going to totally re-write it. So there.

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Anyhow, today is a day of celebration. (See above picture.) This is my final, locked in word count on the official NaNo website. I took a picture of it with my computer because I’m a nerd like that. Wait. Because I’m cool like that. The saddest part is the part at the top that says in little letters “NaNoWriMo 2008 is over”. *Tears*

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But I will celebrate before I go to sleep this morning. With sparkling apple cider and a toast to Emily and NaNo2K8. I have conquered. I have kept my fingers. I have not burned my keyboard off. There is much to celebrate.

NaNoWriMo

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It is November 26th, and NaNoWriMo has almost come to a close. I haven’t written in here nearly all month because I’ve been frantically typing out my novel.

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For those of you who don’t know, National Novel Writing Month takes place every November, and is a month of madness in which about 115,000 people all over the world dedicate themselves to writing a 50K word novel in a month. (Think Slaughterhouse Five, which has almost exactly 50K words) Anyhow, it’s been a month of absolute craziness, fun, friends, and total insanity, and I’ve truly loved every minute of it. I feel no shame now in telling you that I wrote the sequel to last year’s novel, which was titled “Marionette”. Last year’s was 72,000 words by the time it was finished. This year’s is not quite finished yet, but my goal is to be done by the end of the month. I’m currently sitting at almost 108K words, which is approximately the length of Twilight, for those fans out there. The title is Illusion, which I thought might change, but now I know it will not. There’s a lot of crap in it. A LOT of crap in it. But I love it. I’ve grown pretty attached to it over the last 26 days. I had three days of no writing, but mananged to break the 100K mark on the 23rd, anyway. 100K in 20 days? Not too shabby.

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I think the most insane part was the part where I wrote 26K in two days last Saturday and Sunday. 15K on Saturday and 11K on Sunday. I’m pretty sure my fingers were burning holes in my keyboard. Call it an addiciton, but I call it fun. I love hanging out with the NaNo people at write-ins. This month has been the most social month of my year, really. It’s been a chance to hang out and be Kate with people closer to my own age, doing something I love to do with a whole crew of people. It’s been so wonderful I can hardly describe it. And I still have another four days of it.

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The best part, is that once it’s over, these people keep meeting during the year to write. I don’t know how often they meet or anything, but I fully plan on meeting during the year this time. I couldn’t last year because of CCF obligations. But this year I’m going to really try to plan my schedule so that I can meet with them. To me, it’s important to do something that I love. It’s Kate Time. It’s time to sit back and relax and do something I love with a great group of people that I just plain have a blast with. So maybe it’s goodby to NaNo this year, but hopefully not a total goodbye. It’s been a fun month. And hey, I’m a winner! YAY!

Amazing Grace

You know the words to the song.

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Just insert my life as the basis for the song.

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I find it fitting that the Bible verse that popped up for my verse of the day is Isaiah 1:18

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That’s all I have to say right now.

Dead Ends

********I need to preface this by saying that GOD IS STILL GOOD********

It seems all I’ve come to lately are dead ends.

I walk down one path, and the yellow sign is there.

Dead End

So I choose another one. One with fewer trees, less beauty, and a better chance.

Dead End

So I pick another one. One that looks like it has a better outcome

More chances to make a difference

More chances to help people

Dead End.

Is there any path out there that actually leads somewhere?

That actually leads to a real place?

With a real future?

Because so far, all I’ve hit are a bunch of yellow diamond signs

Reading two words

Dead End.

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It’s been a frustrating weekend. Feeling like I’m running in circles, and not getting anywhere in the process. Not just in life, of course. Not just in outside life. I should clarify that. But where I’m going with my own life, too. What is in my future? Piano teaching for life? Obviously not. I can’t make a living doing that. I can’t stay at my current job much longer. Obviously. So what’s out there for Kate?

Hopefully something that will allow my to get my car back sometime. Right now I’m not even sure how I’ll get to work tonight even if my car DOES get fixed today. I am grateful. Please don’t get me wrong there. I have incredible friends. An incredible church. People who come and pick me up when I’m stranded on highway 30 at 7:30am and who bring my car to the repair shop when I’m out with the junior high girls at the apple orchard. I couldn’t ask for better friends. People who let me borrow their cars so I can go to a seemingly trivial event that I’ve been looking forward to for eleven months. I couldn’t ask for better friends. These people are amazing, really. Honestly amazing. I am grateful for them. But I am still frustrated with myself. That I let myself get into situations like I’m in now, and still never allow myself to learn from them. Well, I take that back. I DO learn sometimes. It’s a process. One that I’m still in, apparently. But one that I wish I’d learn a little faster.

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But right now, my own stupidity is overriding my gratitude. It’s overtaking my thoughts. It’s clouding my vision, and all I can see is Kate-Vision. So today, while I wait for the dreaded phone call that will determine whether or not I get to work tonight, I will clean my apartment and try to forget my own dumbness. I just wish I’d learn. And I wish I’d get my car back. Today. Or at least not Friday.

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Have I mentioned I wish I’d just learn?

One of Those Days

I’m just having one of Those Days.

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You know, the ones where you just wish you could curl up under your covers and go back to sleep? thankfully, I’m about ready to do just that. It’s been a long day. Not a bad day. I got my piano moved, thanks to the help of some wonderful people. I am thankful for Eric, who probably had better things to do on a Saturday morning than try to lift a piano into an old CCF-ers rented U-Haul. I’m thankful for Joe, who probably was up half the night because of his schedule. I’m thankful for Mark, who sat in the back of the U-Haul in the dark the entire drive to Boone to make sure the piano didn’t roll all over the place. I have awesome friends. I had a slight argument with the rental lady afterwards, but I’m confident I will get my $15 back. It’s just been one of those “thinking” kind of days, I guess. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, and today a lot of it has seeped its way into the front of my mind and started to penetrate my “real” thoughts, not just my “back of my mind” thoughts.

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So while I enjoyed the beauty of Ledges during Fall, and the people I was there with, and practicing songs for Sunday, and helping Emily find her way out of the bathroom (it only took 10 pages!) and talking to Megan at the bookstore, my mind is exhausted with thoughts that I couldn’t possibly begin to write about on a public blog. Nor will I attempt to. It is filled with words and stories and memories and all sorts of things that I would love to talk about but can’t talk about here. So if you’re one of the lucky ones (you know who you are), catch me and make me talk sometime. I just might.

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Or I might not, too. It all depends.

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I might have another character that I need to talk out of eating blanket waffles.

Skydiving

I’m gonna skydive.

Like, really skydive. Not just twice a year for fun skydiving. Go ahead, call me crazy. Tell me I’m wasting my money. Tell me I’m gonna die. I’ll wait.

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K. Done? Now I’ll explain. First, it’s incredible. Unless you’ve done it, there’s no possible way I could ever explain what it’s like to look down out of an airplane’s open door at 13,000 feet and then just fall out of it. Putting it into words makes it sound so…boring. So I won’t even try to explain anymore. But the feeling…the rush of it…is just amazing. And then to pull the cord, and suddenly be floating miles above the earth surrounded by nothing but air. It’s the most peaceful feeling. All the “what ifs” in the world won’t keep me from doing it again. I have a higher chance of being hit by a car or by lightening than I do of having my parachute not opening. I guess if you’re not willing to take risks sometimes, you miss the most beautiful and unique opportunities. Is it exhilarating? Most definitely. Is it expensive? Of course. Is any hobby expensive? Sure is. Let’s look at golf. The traditional American leisure sport. Online, the average set of “beginner golf clubs” is around $300, unless you’re going to Walmart. Buy a bag for $50 to put them in, some covers for the tops of them, some gloves, and you’re pushing $500. According to the website I looked at, the national AVERAGE (depends on where you live, i guess) for a round of golf is $40. So you go out to the golf course, say, twice a month, play a couple rounds, you’re spending $160 a month on golf. Assuming you live in a climate where you could PLAY year round (ok, not Iowa, obviously), that’s close to $2000 a year on the course. Not factoring in special occasions, golfing trips with friends, whatever else may come up. That’s just golf. Gymnastics classes for your kids? About $100 a month. Dance? One site offers 2 hours, twice a week for almost $200 a month. So when I mention that the certification to skydive solo is $1500, it may seem like quite a bit, but relative to other sports, it seems a little more manageable. Granted, there will be equipment factored in there eventually, too. But after the quipment purchases, the cost to skydive? Well, I could jump three times during your one round of golf. And that’s for life. So the cost is significantly less once I’m certified. Significantly.

It’s a hobby. It’s something you can do until you’re 90, if you want. There’s no age limit on skydiving. It’s not a sport you “get to old to do”. It’s not something that men are better at. It’s not something that anyone has any advantage over anyone else in. It’s just about how well you learn to fly.

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And it’s terribly, terribly addicting.

Skydiving Kate