The Clouds and the Sunset

There is a beautiful sunset outside right now. Gorgeous pinks and purples shimmering around and through the clouds. Did you ever notice that the most beautiful sunsets appear when there are clouds in the sky? In fact, the more clouds, the more opportunity for the sun rays to shine through the moisture of the clouds and create such beautiful colors.

I promise I’m not going all scientific on you right now. It’s just an amazing analogy of life. Of my life. The more difficult things become, the easier it is for God’s light and love to shine through it and make everything around me beautiful. I’m find that out through experience right now. Really, things haven’t been all peaches and cream since I got back from Iowa City. Am I doing well? I think I’m doing pretty well. I’m “stable” at least. But are things still hard? Definitely. Do I still screw up? For sure. But I need to keep on going. I refuse to let this eating disorder take any more of my life than it already has. I refuse to give up. I refuse to let go of hope. I KNOW it’s there. It’s shining through, but sometimes all I can see are the storm clouds around me. But I’m learning. I think. Sometimes I wish I learned things a little faster. Like how to plan when and what I’m going to eat. It’s frustrating for me sometimes, because I need to put so much energy into planning meal times and what I’m going to eat, but at the same time I’m trying to step OUT of the eating disorder and not let it control my life. It’s a never-ending paradox with which I am going to have to find a way to live.

It’s a ridiculous life. But it’s my life. And I need to just accept it for what it is and go with it. Maybe someday things will be different. Maybe not. But I don’t need to waste my today thinking about tomorrow and what could be.

~ by thedreamgiver on June 23, 2009.