Unashamed

My name is Kate.

And I should be dead.

I don’t know another way to explain it to you other than straightforward. And I’ve been anything but that the last few months. The last eleven years. I’ve lied and lied, and covered up things until I was blue in the face, and it got me as far as Mary Greeley Medical Center and University of Iowa Hospitals. Yeah. Not very far.

I’m anorexic.

Rather, I’m a recovering anorexic. And I’ve been terrified to tell anyone other than my closest friends because I’m afraid of being rejected. I’m afraid that people will look at me differently or whisper behind my back about “that girl who doesn’t eat”. But you know what? I’m done with that. I’m done caring what other people think. Because, like Courtney says (and a few others) my real friends aren’t going anywhere. And the people who do mind were never really my friends to begin with. So I don’t care what you think. I don’t care if you whisper about me. I don’t care if you all stop talking when I walk into a room. I don’t mind if you ask me questions or talk about it, because I’m recovering. I’m getting better. I need to talk about it. I need to be honest. Covering up things and lying was part of what landed me locked up for 3 months. I’d rather not repeat that. I have a life to live.

I know what God thinks of me. I know what my friends think of me. And I’m even learning what I think of myself.

I am beautiful.

I am loved.

I am a child of God.

And what matters more than that?

~ by thedreamgiver on June 2, 2009.