Changes and the Yellow Rose

There’s a yellow rose in a glass vase on my desk. It’s just starting to open further and it’s fragrance is beautiful. Who gave me this rose? I have no shame in telling you that I bought this rose for myself. Or that last Monday I bought a pink rose. And the Monday before that it was a red rose. What do they represent? Different things each week. Mostly for me to know. The yellow rose is a symbol of friendship.

There are a lot of changes in my life right now. Sunday night was my final night working overnights at the treatment center. While I’ll miss laughing with the awesome overnights, and the opportunity to be a leader in a sense, as the supervisor, I will not miss the job. I will not miss the nights, the crazy schedule, no sleep, and unhealthiness that the job promoted for me. I’ve been working as a pharmacy tech for two weeks, and I love it. (Yes, I was working both jobs for a couple weeks) It is challenging, fast paced sometimes, and the people I’m working with are great. I find time going much faster than at the treatment center because there is always something to do, especially now that I’m learning more and more things. It’s a new start to my life. It’s a new life, really. A new opportunity to be healthy, STAY healthy, and do what’s good for me, finally. I’ve spent so much of my life DOING for other people and trying to make everyone else happy, and I forgot that I needed to be happy, too. Unhappiness meant a lack of respect for myself, and that, of course, led me to Iowa City for three months. Now? I’m putting God ahead of everything. I’m taking care of myself, even when I don’t feel like it, and I’m learning to take things more slowly than before. It’s okay to not constantly be doing something. In fact, I kind of like it.

Of course, I miss some things from before. And I’m not going to never do any of them again. I’m planning on picking up some of my piano students in West Des Moines in the next couple weeks. I’ve just learned that I can’t do it all. I don’t WANT to do it all. I want to do the things I love doing, and not push myself to do things just because I think it will make other people happy.

I like changes.

~ by thedreamgiver on April 14, 2009.